I keep looking at this photograph and wondering "What happened?" This photograph was taken in the summer of 2005. B and I were in Washington state, and this is how we spent our weekends: hiking and searching for waterfalls. In the picture is Franklin Falls, and the hike to the Falls was an easy one-mile trek through dense forest. We returned to Franklin Falls several times. I remember our first time there, though--that was when this photograph was taken. I remember how happy we were, how in love. What on earth happened? I find myself wondering again and again. I stare at the photograph, expecting my old self or B's old self to have an answer. Is there a clue in his eyes at the chaos that's about to unfold? No, there is nothing. I want to have missed a sign, I want to find an answer to all these questions that haunt me, that keep me awake at night. I want to shake the girl in the photograph and tell her to hold on tight to B, hold on tight to that smile...don't return to FSU, just stay, just stay...
...but I know (I think) that my staying in Washington state probably wouldn't have changed anything.
I'm just having a very hard time today. My heart feels shattered and raw.
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