My body is bothering me.
Chalk much of this up to the fact that I've been pretty stuck at home since I had E. His paed asked that we not take him out in public for four weeks.
So I'm going stir crazy. And when I'm stuck in the house, I have a history of becoming obsessed with losing weight.
I have a doctor's appointment. The last time I was weighed was on Valentine's Day. I was 160 and full-term.
I have since given birth and lost weight. How much, I don't know. And it doesn't matter.
But to my ED, it DOES matter. I know that I must be at a weight considered "healthy" for someone my height. But tell that to my ED.
I am going to ask for a blind weight, but one thing I've learned is that people are notoriously bad at doing blind weight.
I just really, really want to starve myself until my hips shrink back. And again, they aren't big. I know this rationally. I can wear most of my old clothes, albeit a tad snugger still.
I am 3 weeks post partum, and I can't cut myself the break I deserve.
To quell the cabin fever which I'm SURE is fueling these unhealthy thoughts, I'm going out after the doctor's appt. It will be a short outing, but I can't take it. Baby E's health is important, but it's only one more week for the all-clear...
To be brutally honest, my own mental health is at stake here, too. I HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. NOW.
3 comments:
Yup, just go out. Not that you needed my approval, lol.
Love ya!
Clauwolki
Aww Whit. First of all if your clothes fit AT ALL 3 weeks postpartum you are doing really really well weight wise. If doing really well for you means getting back to pre-prego weight. I recall buying new jeans a few sizes up 2 weeks after Brande, or maybe 3. It took me at least a month to be able to wear my clothes again and some of my work pants still dont fit on my waist. But I understand because I still stress over my stomach which is ridicolous and bad, I know similar to your hip thing. I am actually prob a bit underweight now for my height I dont know. But you obsess over those spots, I know. Try not to I am trying not too as well. We have to think about being healthy and strong or at least about other things in life. At least i have found that helps me. Its funny though how much an ED can consume you, when I realized the other day that I still have eating rules. I tried to explain this to Matt and he teased me gently. At least now I am getting to the point where I can laugh with him about it even if I do follow my rules still. On the other, its great you are going out!! That will help! Have alot of fun and try to go out again and whenever you can, it does help or it did for me!!! Lots of love, hang in there :)
aly
4 weeks? What the heck for?
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