And once again, I find myself facing an unplanned pregnancy.
I found out yesterday. Three immediate positives.
Well, this would explain why I feel more tired than normal.
I told A.
He seemed shocked, then later said I must be getting pregnant because I don't eat breakfast. Insulting and amusing.
I'm sticking to the latter, at the moment, because there is very little amusing about an unplanned pregnancy. One that happed using two methods of birth control.
Fuck.
I'm 32 and this is my 5th pregnancy.
I cannot do this. I would schedule the procedure for this week, but with the irony of life, it's E's first birthday on Friday--the day I would undergo it. I'm not going to do that. No.
So next Wednesday I have a medical ab scheduled. A and I still have to talk about this. He doesn't think it's responsible for a married couple to have an abortion. Pro-choice though he is, he doesn't want to do this again.
(Reminder: we both had abs in previous relationships).
Neither do I (want to go through this again).
But I think it's the best thing for my health and for our children.
Do I want to have an abortion? Well, I can think of a lot of better ways to spend my days. (Medical ab again, I still don't like the thought of the surgery).
But do I want to be pregnant? FUCK NO.
If I seem distant, that's why. I'm just trying to hold it together and keep pretending everything is fine at work and for the kids.
No matter what A and I decide to do with this pregnancy, I WILL be insisting he get the damn vasectomy. This is NOT fair to my body.
Five pregnancies, three while using birth control? And all in 9.5 years? WTF?
Ugh. Things I'd rather not deal with, but alas, I kinda have to, huh?
Fuck. $500-something dollars. Fantastic.
I feel like a burden either way.
6 comments:
Babe, I am so sorry you have to go thru this again. Let me know if you want me to go with you and hold your hand.
Anytime.
L
I am so sorry I live here and cant come with you or I would (if that's what you decide to do). I do care though. I don't know what to say because I know its such a hard thing, I can't imagine so many... Please call me anytime, I love you, Mutch :)
aly
352-672-1459
If lack of Pop Tarts in the morning was a cause of pregnancy, I'd be knocked up too.
Perhaps you keep getting pregnant b/c A's sperm eat such a hearty meal in the morning. Fortified little buggers.
Seriously, a vasectomy seems way overdue. Not my place to say, I know.
If I can do anything to help you through this time, PLEASE tell me. I love you and I'm here for you.
Oh Whit.. I'm sorry you've found yourself in this situation.. ironic that we just touched base with each other again last week, eh?
I don't know what else to say other than I'm sorry.. and I'm here to bounce your thoughts off of.. only you know what's best for you..
Thinking of you ((hugs))
A
Sorry you have to go through this whit, as if life isn't full of hard decision every minute of every day already. Go with your gut on what to do (no pun intended.) Also, It is NO WAY irresponsible for a married couple to have an abortion. Why would it be? And YES! A, GET A VASECTOMY!
Oh love! Now I'm even more upset that I've managed to miss your calls the past couple of times! Stupid work outside of normal hours!!! If you've got some time this week give me a call, ok? I know that it's probably not advisable to you know, be dishonest with A BUT if he isn't down for you to have the procedure well- technically it's a miscarriage, right? That is all he needs to know. Let Ms. L go with you as she's offered. It's just a stretch of the truth....
Also, I know you're going to say no to this but try to remember that some of us living far away are seriously in need of being able to do something to be there for you. Will you let us donate to your medical costs? We could even set up one of those sites where people can donate. I can spin it for you so you don't have to be all out there with your business.
I selfishly don't want this to alter other previously discussed upcoming plans so please do let us help!!!
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