In the meantime...
I have a secret. My parents know. A few philosopher-friends know--and that's it.
I'm reapplying to grad school to finish my Ph.D in philosophy.
Doing so has opened/triggers wounds. As I work on applications, or pay a ridiculous amount to take the GRE again when my scores were just fine--get really angry. Weird angry. I cry. I want to smash dishes. I want to destroy stuff.
I flashback. I freeze.
I started seeing someone to help me with the PTSD. I think, if anything else, it's holding me accountable. Each week, I will see him. And I want to report back to him, "Hey, I did this," or "this Ph.D at out-of-state University is going to write a letter of rec for me" (I can't use anyone at former place, for obvious reasons).
And yes, having philosophers I've written back and forth to VOLUNTEER "Hey, can I write you a letter of recommendation?"-- well, I cry anytime someone has done that OR has validated my ideas, given my time and consideration, and debated and treated me as equal and with respect.
I take the GRE on Wednesday at 12:30. Wish me luck (privately, please.)
1 comment:
How did the GRE go? What does A think of it? Where will you go?
You've got my support!
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