Doing nothing is doing a lot

There’s a boy that I knew vaguely. His name was Zack. He had come over to our place a couple of times, with friends. He seemed like a nice guy. His heart was in the right place. I knew from other people that he had “issues”. These “issues” included a week in September when he thought he was God.

Upon hearing this, it set of major alarm bells for me. As B’s illness progressed, he had similar scary thoughts. Most people think it’s narcissistic to think that you’re God; however, I know B felt the pressure of the demands of the job when he was that delusional.

Having met Zack only 3 or 4 times, I didn’t feel comfortable saying anything to him. But I did push those who knew him well to urge him to get support and treatment. Obviously, something wasn’t quite right, but he wasn’t alone. There’s a ton of treatment and support. I was concerned he might hurt himself and others during his next bout of illness.

:crying: I was right.

On Friday night, Zack told his gf that he was going to take his life. She said, “Whatever.” and continued watching t.v. Zack gathered rope, went outside in the parking lot of his apartment complexM, and hanged himself.

People saw. People watched. No one did a fucking thing.

Not only that…but signs were there. As I urged people to help Zack get treatment, I was dismissed as being overly concerned about someone I barely knew. I was told he would be fine, he was harmless. I was told that he was only doing it for attention. “Well, if he is only doing it for attention, then he still needs help because pulling that crap is not an acceptable or appropriate form of getting attention!”

But…no one listened to me.

When I found out that Zack died, I started sobbing. I hope that he is no longer suffering and that he’s not hurting any more. But I am SO ANGRY at the fucking idiots who ignored all the signs. Who didn’t even fucking listen to him. What the hell?

As far as I’m concerned, this wasn’t a suicide. It was a homicide with a group of “friends” as accomplices.

It also brought up a lot of memories about my battling B during his spurts of illness…I’ll just leave it at that, but let me say that I’ve been the gf who’s reading a book and their s/o comes out and announces that they intend to take their own life.

Only I jumped up and took his words seriously. I tried to get him help. God knows I tried.

As for Zack’s death, I do feel guilty. I should have said something. Or should I? Would I, a stranger, have made a difference?

I don’t know. I never will.

But everyone in Zack’s life failed him.

He deserved so much more.