Not the Thing Itself but Ideas About the Thing

Because calling this Meta-Circumcision seems in appropriate somehow…

Throughout this entire pregnancy, I have been able to allow myself to be fully, emotionally alive and involved—hence, so many passionate posts here about, in all honesty, matters that aren’t that big in the whole scheme of life. I’ve also kept a thoughtful, observant eye on things I’ve found Curious.

One such thing that is truly, truly Curious is the way I have observed privilege as a determining factor in a person’s opinions concerning circumcision. 

This is not a scientific study. This is merely what I have observed and been pondering for months. 

[When I use the term “man” and “woman” here, I am talking about DNA, not what gender the person identifies with most.]

When I first started talking to others about circumcision, I discovered that women were more likely than men to have really thought this issue out. Many guys, it seems, have just taken their own life experience as empirical evidence that whatever was done or not done to their penis was the “norm” and probably the best way to go.

Women, obviously, do not have such empirical evidence to use. We do not know what it’s like to spend all of your life with something dangling between your legs. 

What women do have, though, is an over-whelming sense of  being told what our bodies naturally are and what they do is could be improved upon or worse, is just wrong/shameful/should be hidden.  We bleed once a month and it’s “gross”. I still overhear people joke, “How can you trust something that bleeds once a month?” [WTF? Seriously, people! That's so medieval of you.]  As young girls, we are made aware that we will be judged first on our physical appearance. If we pass muster, then and only then will be considered for something more meaningful, like our intellect. We learn that slim is better, but don’t get too carried away, dammit. (Yes, I’ve been told my ED was just “getting carried away on a diet.” Right.  I suppose my ownership of stock in Kimberly-Clark, maker of Kleenex, is why it’s advantageous I suffer from depression, too.)

We are so inundated by these that I feel it’s safe to say most young girls have internalized this, to some extent, before their age reaches a number with double-digits.

Even throughout pregnancy, I am reminded (by mainstream culture) a natural birth is the best way to go, but don’t be a difficult patient for your doctor or midwife during labor. Be nice. Don’t yell or curse in labor. Oh, and do be ashamed of every aspect of labor, okay, ladies? I mean, our bodies are gross, and that whole water-breaking thing is just icky. 

And I think it is perhaps through this lens that women may approach the idea of circumcision from a very different mindset of men.

As grown women who survived and managed to negotiate all these messages that our bodies are all we’re worth and by the way, that body of yours needs some improvement, we are wary. We are skeptical.

WHY does this boy’s body need to be changed? 

WHY is it “not good enough” as is, as we humans (and mammals) evolved? 

We, as women, are all familiar with the practice that 10 years ago, was still politely called “female circumcision.” Remember that?! Waaay back, like 10 years ago, definitely 15 years ago—when people still said, “female circumcision” instead of that trendy new phrase in use now: female genital mutilation. 

What is the difference? 

When I first noticed such a strong and distinct gap, I wondered if it was because the women I first spoke with about this were moms. As mothers, we are biased. But the gap amongst the biological sexes remained when I expanded to talking to more people without children. 

So I’m left wondering: do women approach the whole circumcision debate with their wariness of a societally-mandated norm?