At the risk of jinxing myself, I feel so happy with A. This weekend was nothing spectacular, yet I feel like we’re moving into the next stage of our relationship, whatever that is. I suppose what I mean is I’m beginning to feel a little more secure in the relationship. I leave his place (early, early in the morning) and feel loved. I fall asleep holding a pillow and wishing it was him, and he’s echoed these sentiments.
I’m beginning to accept that he doesn’t see my having a child as a burden or bad thing. I was so convinced he would see it as a bad thing. Not him, specifically, but society in general says single moms are failures. So I guess it’s a nice surprise that someone sees it as almost a plus. Of course, she’s an excuse to act goofy and be silly…how could you not love that, particularly when you’re stressed? Blowing bubbles reminds you of what’s important in life, does it not?
I half-expect to hear from B at some point soon. His birthday is Wednesday (yes, April Fool’s Day) and we have not sent him a card because he asked that we not contact him. I feel bad about not sending him a card, but what I am supposed to say to him? What is C supposed to say to him when she hasn’t seen him since July and hasn’t lived with him for over a year?
B, I hope you get better, whatever that means for you. We will always love you, and miss you, and we wish you the best.
It’s all so bittersweet. I’m moving on into a happy part of my life (I hope), but at the same time, I am mourning the loss of B…his death.
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