Letter to my unborn child: Sex & Gender Identity

My dear child,

Please understand how happy I am to have seen you wiggling and dancing around this morning! I cannot believe how much you're moving, and only 17.8 weeks! I don't believe you were still for a second! I teared up when I saw your spine--before the ultrasound technician said anything, I could tell that's a healthy spine! All four ventricles of your little heart are growing normally. Wonderful kidneys, cute little face, nice round belly  . . .

Everything in it's right place. You are beautiful, and I love you. Keep that healthy growing up, kiddo!  That is my main concern--that you are healthy.

Now, I must apologize to you, warn you, and explain to you why I am so sad and why I regret every finding out your gender before you've been born. I may not have done much by-the-book when I was pregnant with your beautiful sister, but I declined to learn her sex, and for that, I am grateful. I thought I would be okay with learning the sex. And I guess I am okay, knowing that you're a healthy baby of a particular sex.

The problem, sweetheart, is other people. (Not that I'm perfect--never think that I am!)

I am going to bring you into a world where finding out your sex at 17.8 weeks matters. You will be entering a world where well-intentioned family members and friends have congratulated us for having a child of your particular sex. Incredibly stupid things like about family names being carried on have been mentioned.

You only weigh 7 ounces, and already these patriarchal and ridiculous ideas about your identity, your purpose are being assigned to you, based solely upon your sex and that alone.

For my part, I promise to teach you to think critically about the world. I promise to urge you to stop and think, "why?" or wonder "where does this come from?" I promise to teach you how to have eyes that never stop bouncing around in wonder, even though you're sitting still in a meeting. I promise to instill as much curiosity about the world in you as I can, so you can question these gender norms yourself. (It might help that your sister and mother will have a different last name than you and Daddy.) I promise to teach you to respect some traditions, but to not be afraid of shrugging off the shackles of other traditions.

I guess what I mostly promise you is that I love you. No matter what. My hope is that you will learn to think for yourself, because it's honestly a lost form of entertainment and the world, my child, is full of wonder. To be able to think for yourself, sweetie, will help free you of these preconceived ideas. Yes, you will still be subject to them. But you will be aware and that's key.

Rest up, love! You've got a lot more growing to do! Maybe try holding still for a second. . . ? Nah, keep on dancing.

Love always,
Mom

It's a. . . HEALTHY BABY!

P.S. Please forgive your mom for being overly idealistic.