This evening, A is out and I'm left to over-think all things.
But prior to going out (to his store and work), A gave me something to think/obsess/feel uncomfortable about.
HE feels uncomfortable about it. . .
But he does believe with 99% certainty that he's seen B hanging around downtown. Not only that, but he may have had a brief conversation with him.
This all makes me wish I could claim custody of this city. "This is MY hometown, you don't belong here, go away."
Obviously, for more reasons than I can list, I rationally realize how implausible and moronic such a declaration would be.
Yet my gut reaction is, "Go away! Go far, far, far away!"
A never met B (thank god), but I do have photographs of him holding Baby C. (I won't get into how I feel looking at those photos.) A has seen these pictures, so he has an idea what B looks like.
This leaves me feeling vulnerable, pissed, scared, annoyed...
Vulnerable because he can just hang out. Pissed for the same reason.
Scared, not because I think he's violent, but I want to protect C (and E) from him. From any encounter with him.
Annoyed because, and this is so wrongly possessive of me, this town is my territory. He can go haunt somewhere else. At least grant me sanctuary in my own f-ing town, puh-lease.
*sigh* Clearly, I'm still processing this whole...pile o'crap.
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