Live and learn

I had a meltdown yesterday. Everything that I can normally shrug off just built up. Countless silent tears were shed at work. (I am a model of professionalism, although, to my credit, no one saw.)

What, I wondered, is going on? I realized something was off.

And then I remembered: I had strep about a month ago. I have an autoimmune disease that is triggered by strep. In short, my body produces too strong of antibodies against strep, and those antibodies attack healthy parts of me. This unwarranted attacks lead to chemical changes in my brain, which in turn cause depression.

I took a deep breath, and called my doctor yesterday. The last time I had such a severe reaction was a few years ago, and I took a medication for about a week, which made the attack subside AND helped my mood.

I’m back on that medicine, at least until the next week. And I LOVE my doctor, not only because he is a kind soul, not only because he sees me at half-price since I have no insurance, but because he gave me samples of the medicine without seeing me. (I have an appt. next week, which was the earliest I could be seen.)

So in the midst of that despair came good things—including the fact that I can appreciate the Good whilst semi-depressed.

Oh, and I saw B again yesterday on my way to work. I just let out a heavy sigh typing that…WTF? GO AWAY. I had both children with me and was on my way to work. . .

Thus is life. Ups, downs, and in between.

I’m managing pretty well, I think, over all.
Yes, there’s room for improvement—but isn’t there always!?!