All for nothing

I have been in better moods.

I woke up in a great mood. This is no “Case of the Mondays.”

I feel so invisible and so ignored.

Isn’t that pathetic?

Maybe not. I don’t care.

So, to recap…On Thursday, I was incredibly sad and anxious because I had a horrible dream about B. I dreamt he was very ill and self-destructing. Please note, at this time, that I do fear for his health and well-being. I’m terrified he will take his own life at some point. That dream hung over me and haunted me throughout Thursday.

After a meeting, I got home and for the first time ever in our relationship, A had flowers for me, which was sweet and much appreciated.

Friday, I woke up feeling better. I had lunch with a girl from high school who seems just as cool and down-to-earth as she did in high school. Then I went to A’s store and helped him with cleaning out the store from the massive amounts of junk that have accumulated there since 1990-something. Inherited junk, you could say.

Saturday was spent dealing with C, who seems to have a nice case of pneumonia/bronchitis. I’ll be taking her to the doctor tomorrow.

Yesterday, A and I spent 3.5 hours cleaning out his new store. The previous tenant (who happens to be the landlord) left the new space in utter squalor. So we cleaned, and cleaned, and cleaned.

A wrote a letter to the landlord’s when we got home, and I turned it into a two-page legalese-filled letter. Hey, if nothing else, I know how to write a legal-sounding letter! In the letter, he demanded the cost of our time spent cleaning. Of course, that money goes to the store. He didn’t offer me any. And yes, the store’s money is mine, in a way.

But since we’re not married, and since we’re not engaged, it’s not mine. I just helped out. That’s it.

I suppose I’m irritated by his assumption that he could bill for my time and pocket the money for the store. I’ve been screwed royally by B in the financial arena, so is it any wonder I’m bothered? Of course, A is so stressed by the move (and to be honest, his stress level is too high in my opinion—boy needs to learn to chill out and accept that which he cannot control!) that were I to bring this up to him at this point, he’d hear it wrong and an argument/fight would ensue.

I just feel rather…used. I feel like I’m doing all this stuff for him and his store—and our future—and there’s nothing, it seems, in return. At least at this point. I know further in the future there may indeed be some sort of return. Or some appreciation shown. But A is all business-like at the moment, and I’m sacrificing my LSAT preparation time to help him.

Which is stupid and shitty of me to do that.

I guess we’re do for a talk. He’s so stressed he’s distant at times, and when he’s distant, I feel neglected and yes, even unloved. I’m just there, playing the dutiful and devoted girlfriend.

Okay, so that’s not true.

But I am feeling taken for granted and neglected. (Again, and in multiple areas of my life—again.)

*sighs*

As C would say, “Whatever, Mommy.”