And the saga continues.
Oh, wedding…why must everyone assume that it’s MY wedding and MY wedding alone?
Why am I the one who has to find designs for the invitations?
Why must I be the one who:
Finds and arranges the place we get married? Arranges for the person to marry us? The person who sets the appointment for the reception? Why must I be the one to pester him about going to the courthouse to get our marriage license (which we’re doing tomorrow)? Why am I the one who has to arrange for flowers, cake, photography? Why must I nag him for weeks to get sized for a ring—and then tell him that no, he is expected to get me a separate ring, the engagement ring doesn’t count? Why am I solely responsible for so much of this?
Has he helped? Yes. A bit. I expected more, but whatever.
It’s more society I’m annoyed with because it’s society that makes it “acceptable” for my parents to nag me.
I’m just pissed off right now. And tired. He works full time, but guess what?
So.
Do.
I.
But you know, weddings seem to be all female. Bullshit. I don’t buy it. Not at all.
Is this a pity party? You betcha. And I don’t care if it sounds selfish. A wedding is a union of two people and their communities.
Just with one person doing the work.
I hate that I do it, too. But I feel like if I don’t, not only may I get crap from well-intentioned people, but the wedding won’t happen. And I do want it to happen.
*sigh*
I mean, geez, you should have heard the talks I’ve had to have with him about, “Yes, we are going on a honeymoon on a Monday.”
I know he cares about the store. I do, too.
But what about me?
Will I ever come first?
I guess it doesn’t help that this weekend I had the sad realization that the only person in my life who did anything for my birthday that took planning was B.
Yes, folks, that’s right. Someone with severe mental illness did something for my birthday (he sent me a letter that made me feel sad.) But no one else did anything for my birthday.
Put yourself in my shoes. What’s the message you get when your ex, who is very sick, sends you a card/letter but your fiancé does nothing. Your parents do something the next day, and last minute too.
How sad. This is so, so sad. Is it any wonder that I feel rather unimportant?
And is it truly any wonder that I feel taken for granted?
5 comments:
Hey Whit. Yeah I think he should help you out more. Although I am feeling pretty bad while reading this because I was not in Florida to plan my wedding, I was in grad school in NC. So actually matt had to do alot of it, although they saved quite a bit of stuff for me to do to on the 3 week break I had before I had to go back to school. But had I been there? I don't know he may have if I asked him to, I'm not sure. He was actually more into the wedding than I was though so he might have. If you feel bad about doing so much, the best thing is to tell him what to do specifically to help you. Because although people should have a clue, alot of times they don't (and I was the guilty party). It would have helped me more had Matt said, this and that needs to be done, etc. Rather than doing it all himself and getting angry about it. And then I had to deal with, I had to do all the planning by myself while you were gone, etc. I would have done more had I known what needed to be done. And it sounds like I did more than your fiance is doing, but he might just not have a clue, or be preoccupied, which is not a good excuse but possible. Just be direct. I am sorry you are having to do so much of it though, that sucks. And it does mean alot to you to have someone remember your Birthday in a unique way, it makes you feel loved and appreciated. Its difficult when people dont get that and it is not something you can really tell them after the fact because it doesnt change the fact that they weren't thoughtful to begin with. You just want someone to care and be thoughtful. And it would upset me if my ex were like that and my husband was not (or fiance in your case).
Actually, my ex from undergrad was also the only person to actually throw me a birthday party. I will never forget it, he ordered a cake with frogs on it (because I love frogs) and got twizzlers, and my favorite soda, and invited everyone on my floor. I will never forget it. He was really thoughtful like that, bought me my favorite necklace, etc. But he was not the one for me. And Matt is really good with Valentine's Day (well, most of the time this year he bought me a gun for it in his infinite wisdom :( but he has done some special things too. Anyway, I hope some of that helps you, I do understand how you feel.
love,
aly
my birthdays are always shit and i'll elaborate on that one day. i think i've decided that anything that i want oh so very badly to be awesome and special and when i want so badly to mean something to someone to the point of them going out of their way to plan something special (special not being equivalent to pricey) well it never happens. maybe special just happens no matter what amount of planning goes into it.
maybe birthday parties are like weddings, too. the stress of planning them and making sure they go over well and that all of your friends have fun kind of ruin them. at the very least, on the wedding day, let go and enjoy it. nothing can be done to make it better or worse (and weddings are about better and worse anyway, right?). do that on the big day---let go!
I don't know much about wedding planning, but I can empathize with how you're feeling. I would also feel bad if I were in your shoes regarding your birthday. It's like, if ever there is a day that others should validate, or be thankful for, my existence, it ought to be my birthday. Have you talked to A and your parents about your feelings re: your birthday and to A regarding the wedding planning?
(((hugs)))
I would! That birthday thing sucks! Tell him it is coming up in a CR. That also scares Tom!
I know I'm late in reading all of these...my sister is getting married this summer and her fiance told her he did his part. He proposed. And he has been awful about helping with the details. Not to generalize (or to generalize) men are dense at times. Sorry.
I've noticed the older I get, the more disappointing birthdays/holidays are too. Growing up isn't all fun.
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