"But he knows my uterus!" --or-- VBAC or C-section?

Last night, A and I started talking a little about the actual Event.

You know—getting the baby out of me. How it’s going to happen (VBAC or C-section), and all the fun things entailed.

Now, I may not agree with my mw on everything. To refresh your memory, as soon as she discovered I had a C-section, she concluded I would absolutely have to have a C-section again. She didn’t find out why I had a C-section, or any of the other circumstances (as, emotionally, pregnancy was B’s roller coaster and pregnancy and I came in at a very, very distant second place). My situation this time is drastically different. I’m married to a partner who is very supportive of me. In fact, he even seems to think my pregnancy is sexy and attractive. We’ve definitely grown closer and I can tell he appreciates me more. My pregnant-ness has made him consider everything I do in a given day, and that I’m doing all that AND growing a baby wows him. Which is uncomfortable for me, but cute and appreciated, particularly when I’m exhausted!

It has bothered me that our lovely mw is so old-school about VBAC’s and C-sections, but

1. She is the only mw I could find who would provide prenatal care for me, and I very much prefer the prenatal care and attention of a mw.
2. She will not be delivering the baby, and this was made very clear when I signed up with her. The doctor who delivered C will be attending the birth (and he is awesome, did my C-section with C so he knows his work and my, um, uterus, trusts women, is over extended (hence not using him as a primary prenatal provider) yet always on the ball, and has worked in abortion clinics and did I mention he is freakin’ awesome?)

Since we’ll be transferring later in the pregnancy to Dr. Awesome’s office and his mw, I thought I’d look into his position on VBAC…and it seems I can only find information that demonstrates his support and open-mindedness towards VBACs. What’s this? A pro-choice doctor advocating and practicing choice for women giving birth? It’s strange when someone or something in the world makes sense, isn’t it?

All right, back to “How is the little boy coming out of me?”

First, I thought A was pro-C-section.

Then he said something last week about “how you could try to deliver vaginally.” I was surprised and thrilled.

So yesterday, I asked him, flat out, his feelings about this. What his preferences were. Sure, it’s my body and all that, but I need to feel supported, particularly when I’m in labor. I need to know the person with me, by my side, is truly by my side and supportive of me.

He said he wanted whatever produces a healthy baby and keeps me safe and alive. (He’s been very freaked out ever since I dreamed last Saturday that I died in childbirth. I’m guessing he didn’t realize how sadly prevalent maternal mortality still is.) I told him some stats about success rates of VBACs, etc. He’s undecided, honestly.

I suggested that perhaps we take a childbirth class together, even if I do have a C-section. I want him to know what’s involved in the process (Hint: the movies are wrong!) and I want him to go through this pseudo-American-rite-of-passage with me. Yes, I did this already when I was pregnant in 2006, but I don’t know…it seems important. Even the mw has encouraged us to do it because, as she said, “it’s his first birth.”

When I mentioned this, he responded something along the lines of, “Well, you’ve done this before, so you know what to expect. I thought you’d just tell me.”

I’m glad I opened my mouth, because, boy-oh-boy, A, are you ever wrong! I found myself mostly quiet when I labored with C. I was so focused inward. I wasn’t able to say, “do this,” “do that.” Luckily, B, even in his mentally unhealthy stupor, was with it enough to read my cues and figure out, “pounding on her back might help.” (it did).

I fell asleep last night wanting to cry. I felt so lost and by myself in the pregnancy for a while.

But this morning, I headed to the library after a quick internet search and checked out “The Business of Being Born.” I haven’t seen this movie, but I’ve heard awesome things about it. I’ve wanted to see it, and I know it depicts REAL births. Not Hollywood-style births, but the grittiness, the arduousness, of labor and delivery. I know it explains the over-medicalization of birth, too, which is something I’ve attempted to explain to A but not without feeling like he’s 75% dismissive of what I say due to successful brainwashing by our media and the logical fallacy of appealing to authorities (e.g., doctors are better and more skilled than midwives).
The bottom line is that I am okay with having a C-section, as long as I’m allowed to go into labor on my own. I am also willing to give VBAC a shot.

But at this point, I simply don’t know what’s best for me. I know statistics, I know the pros and cons concerning my health and the baby’s health. But I don’t know what’s right for me. And I need/want to make an informed decision about this…

I need that decision to be supported by everyone who will assist in the birth.