21 September 2011

Sleepless nights


My friend L called me yesterday morning. I was in a meeting and unable to answer her call, but I knew it was about Troy Davis.

Shortly after the missed call, she sent me a text message bearing the horrible news that Mr. Davis’ appeal for clemency was denied.

I sat and read the words. I just stared at the phone as tears welled up in my eyes. I started cursing, silently.

I am angry.

I am helpless. 

Immediately, calls for protests and signing petitions appeared. That’s good, and calling the DA is a great step.

Planning a vigil for the time of Mr. Davis’ execution feels pointless to me, though.
I keep thinking of some group that was popular on facebook during the last presidential election. The group was called, “If Obama isn’t elected, I will fuck shit up.” Or something along that line. Sorry, I’m too lazy to look it up and link it for you right now. 

Yes. 

Yes, that is how I feel. If Mr. Davis is executed, I will fuck shit up.

It almost feels good to say that. 

And then…I start thinking about the logisitics. Whose shit am I fucking up? Am I damaging private property of a local business owner? What good is that going to do?

Do I go to a protest and peacefully express my disapproval? That seems too mild. 

So what do we do, when an innocent man now has less than 12 hours in his life. What do we do when government rolls on the name of “justice” to carry out the biggest injustice we, as a society, accept and tolerate? 

What do I do at 7pm? Do I stay with my family and hug my children? Do I make a silent promise to Mr. Davis that he is not forgotten, that we will continue to fight for this wrong?

In the midst of my anger and sadness, my helplessness, I find myself wondering if it’s good that I feel so strongly about this. That I’m too involved?

But can you be too involved? I think the problem is most people just don’t care and accept the death penalty.

There are no words for how I’m feeling right now. 

But there are words for what Mr. Davis is experiencing this very moment, and that’s CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT as well as DENIAL OF CIVIL RIGHTS. 

And a million other charges, we, the people, are guilty of passively accepting.

2 comments:

elle said...

they've killed him. in doing so i feel a bit of me has been killed. i worry his sister might not make it. i'm angry at the egoists who tried to grandstand and act like they've given a shit for far longer than they have and i'm annoyed that it bothers me so. i know who was on the ground doing the work and i know who used their names to get things done and i know that our president is not a death penalty opponent and i know that he wouldn't stand up for shit and i'm angry that we live in this fucking place that kills people and people can excuse themselves and that others kiss his ass and pooh pooh him and excuse him and i'm so angry and so sad and just a mess. and really do wish i could be a Republican because i'd be far less an emotional wreck (or emotional period).

i love you and miss you and hope you and yours will be meeting me and mine in a couple of months... to fuck shit up and what not

Fireheart223 said...

Whit, I hear what you're saying, and I feel the same way... I've got so much I want to say about this, but I'm having trouble finding the words, I'm just too disgusted and disheartened by the "justice" system right now. I think this only makes it all the more important that we abolish capital punishment after they could let this happen. Capital punishment is wrong anyways in my opinion, but especially in a case where there is any question as to the person's guilt, it amazes and sickens me that they could go through with this.