fragile ego: Weak but strong

01 September 2011

Weak but strong

I feel weak today.

I’ve been standing up for myself. I’ve faced criticisms.

But I feel weak.

Last night, I was tempted to go. Around 11 pm, I just wanted to get away.

To get in the car and get a hotel room.
To sleep on a couch at work.
To go to my parents home.

I’m feeling unheard by A lately, and that’s mostly because I AM unheard. He gets so preoccupied with one idea, he can’t even respond to me.

I just feel worthless right now…or rather, I’m fighting those feelings off and focusing on the macrocosm—the patriarchy, how we are conditioned to be silent or to take up all the room, etc.

*sigh*

4 comments:

elle said...: I hope you're doing better! I searched the internet to see if I could find a spa or something to hustle you into down there. What's up with only day spas being around? And I couldn't find a convent or monastery that has those spiritual retreat thingies that people can take (unguided and that type). If I were a money rich person I'd fly you to visit me straight away!

I hate that I am not close by so as to provide a place to which you can get away from it all! There is that hostel that- should it be full- could connect you to the island born woman who sometimes takes in over flow...; September 1, 2011 at 11:50 PM
Nicole said...: We have a fantastic couch. And toys. Whenever you need it; September 2, 2011 at 8:59 AM
Slink said...: These could be my thoughts too right now Whit. I'm sorry you feel so insignificant. :(; September 7, 2011 at 3:54 PM
Amada said...: Hey, you know I just found the link to your blog, because I am finally organizing my bookmarks and all of my links have been lost in a disorganized mess or things under tabs, and I felt the need to remind you of who your husband is. He is a ridiculous man who is very much lost in his job, a man very preoccupied constantly with issues I don't think he even realizes he has, and above all a man who loves you and the family that you two have created more than anything. His mind dwindles and he may not hear some things, and we all feel ignored sometimes and it sucks, but I can only hope that you never forget to step outside of feelings you are having when you feel so bad for just a moment and feel lucky to have such a loving beautiful family. Also, feel free to come visit me, anytime, when you need a vacation. I will take care of you and A can deal with reality for a bit on his own, and maybe be forced to take some time off work hehe. Miss you pretty lady.; September 12, 2011 at 8:36 PM

. . . thinking . . .

Since philosophy is the art which teaches us how to live, and since children need to learn it as much as we do at other ages, why do we not instruct them in it? ... Oddly, things have now reached such a state that even among men of intelligence philosophy means something fantastical and vain, without value or usefulness, both in opinion and practice. (Michel de Montaigne, 1592)

"All things come out of the one and the one out of all things. ... I see nothing but Becoming. Be not deceived! The very river in which you bathe a second time is no longer the same one you entered before.'"(Heraclitus)

"Are you not ashamed that you give your attention to acquiring as much money as possible, ...and care so little about wisdom and truth and the greatest improvement of the soul ...?" (Socrates via Plato)

"Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist." (Epicurus)

"All things are parts of one single system, which is called Nature; the individual life is good when it is in harmony with Nature." (Zeno of Citium)

"In the depths of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer." (Albert Camus)

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts." (Bertrand Russell)

"Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric." (Bertrand Russell)

"Wrong does not cease to be wrong because the majority share in it." (Leo Tolstoy)

"If you believe that feeling bad or worrying long enough will change a past or future event, then you are residing on another planet with a different reality system." (William James)

"Believe me! The secret of reaping the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment from life is to live dangerously!" (Nietzsche)

"Beauty is no quality in things themselves. It exists merely in the mind which contemplates them." (David Hume)

"As long as justice and injustice exist, human beings must be willing to do battle for the one against the other." (John Stuart Mill)

"Meditate often upon the bond of all in the Universe and their mutual relationship. For all things are in a way woven together." (Marcus Aurelius)

"Whoever despises himself nonetheless respects himself as one who despises."

"A friend should be a master at guessing and keeping still: you must not want to see everything. "

"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness. "

"One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star. "

"One has to pay dearly for immortality; one has to die several times while one is still alive. "

"A great value of antiquity lies in the fact that its writings are the only ones that modern men still read with exactness. "

"Admiration for a quality or an art can be so strong that it deters us from striving to possess it. "

"All things are subject to interpretation whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

"Many a man fails as an original thinker simply because his memory it too good. "

"He who has a why to live can bear almost any how."

"Is life not a thousand times too short for us to bore ourselves?"

"I do not know what the spirit of a philosopher could more wish to be than a good dancer. For the dance is his ideal, also his fine art, finally also the only kind of piety he knows, his "divine service." "

"All truth is simple... is that not doubly a lie? "

"This is what is hardest: to close the open hand because one loves. "

"We have art in order not to die of the truth."

"What? You seek something? You wish to multiply yourself tenfold, a hundredfold? You seek followers? Seek zeros!"

"It is not things, but opinions about things that have absolutely no existence, which have so deranged mankind!" -from Nietzsche's Daybreak, s. 563, R.J. Hollingdale transl

"People who comprehend a thing to its very depths rarely stay faithful to it forever. For they have brought its depths into the light of day: and in the depths there is always much that is unpleasant to see." - from Nietzsche's Human, all too Human, s.489, R.J. Hollingdale transl.

"New ears for new music. New eyes for what is most distant. A new conscience for truths that have hitherto remained unheard. And the will to economize in the grand manner--to hold together his strength, his enthusiasm.... Reverence for self; love of self; absolute freedom of self...."

"I call an animal, a species, an individual corrupt, when it loses its instincts, when it chooses, when it prefers, what is injurious to it."

(both from Nietzsche's Antichrist)