Risk & Thrive

I have learned a lot about myself in the past week alone. As 2008 came to an end, I started on a new beginning.

I lost B. He is gone, perhaps forever, perhaps not. My love for him is endless, but love evolves, which is exactly what happened this past year. My love for him went from that of his partner to that of his caretaker. In many ways, he was an older child...not a partner by any means.

I came to terms with my loss of B. I didn't think I did, but it's clear now as I embark on a new relationship that I have come to terms with my loss. It's clear due to the fact that I do not feel guilty, I do not feel like I am betraying B by seeing A.

I have realized that "loss" is a trigger for my eating disorder, and I have made remarkable progress by seeing an amazing, progressive, and compassionate nutritionist.

As worthless as I think I am, there is a deep-seated part of me that knows when I deserve "better." I am learning, albeit slowly, to listen and respect this voice.

I am living in the moment. I am accepting what I have and savouring every last delicious drop of happiness.

Risk.
Thrive.
Two very good words to keep in mind...