Can you see...?

This weekend unfolded in an interesting way.
Perhaps it’s more accurate to say “this relationship with A is unfolding in an interesting way.”
Hell, my LIFE is unfolding in an interesting way!

So let me cut to the chase:

Friday night, I was over at A’s as usual. We ate dinner, and watched Religulous. After watching the movie, and after debating some of the finer points of the movie, A made a comment about dinner. How I seemed so hungry when we sat down to eat; he said that I always finish dinner before him. Now, I realize that this isn’t true; trust me, no one is more aware of how much I eat and who finished first than I am! However, I was able to approach the situation from a good place. I was able to see that he wasn’t attacking me, but that he was concerned about me. Truth be told, I do not usually eat during the day. I haven’t eating during the day since I was 13 or so. It’s not easy for me to start now, though I’m doing what I can to take baby steps toward a more normal diet.

I started crying. A felt bad, but I thanked him. I was glad he was able to raise his concern with me, and I wasn’t crying because I was upset with him. Instead, I felt upset with myself. “Why can’t I just eat normally?” I wondered for the millionth time in my life.

But it’s okay. He still loves me. He was talking from concern, and I was able to recognize that.

I’m kinda proud of that—how I handled and interpreted the situation as it unfolded. Usually, I come back to a situation with “I wish I had done that differently”—but not this. I can stay in love with him and look at things rationally. Yep, I just did it: used love and rationally in the same sentence. :)

Saturday night was lovely. We didn’t discuss food, but we did eat dinner (and he did finish before me, I was conscious of this.) We then went to his place and listened to records. We talked more about blending our households—and yes, he still really wants this, as do I. Then he fell asleep with his head in my lap, and I dozed off too. It sucks having to wake up at 1 am to drive home, but I did.

Sunday we spent together with C. C was a bit grouchy and yet A still doesn’t seem to mind. He still acts reluctant when it comes time for us to leave. He still says how in love he is with me, and how much he adores C.

Yesterday, too, he said something about since he’s met us, his priorities have changed; that “my two girls are the center of my life.”

Can you see me blushing happily through the computer screen? Can you feel me growing a little bit more secure in the fact that good things are happening to me, and in turn, I am rediscovering some of my old confidence?