I guess I’ve been quiet because I’m not sure what to say.
I am overwhelmed by the wedding and feel resentful that most of the planning has fallen on me. It’s not just MY wedding.
Honestly, I feel like I’m planning a party for others. I’ll just be a background piece. And that really makes me not want to go. It’s so easy for me to just give in to that unhealthy voice that urges me to withdraw.
But yeah. I’m feeling like I could not appear at the reception, and it wouldn’t matter. Obviously, the wedding is a different story. But ARGH!
I HAVE voiced these feelings and I’ve been shut down in a way that honestly hurt and shocked me. I was asking A for help with the invitations, and just feeling crummy that day. I said, “I feel like I’m planning this party for all these other people, not at all for me or anything related for me.”
So maybe it is a selfish way to feel. But I have a right to my own emotions, no?
Er…no. “This is going to sound mean, but I mean it nicely. You should stop being so selfish and just be happy.”
Oh, right. D’uh. I’ll just be happy. Where the hell was that priceless advice during all my major depressive episodes?
I’m not going to post the song here, but it totally has Nirvana’s “Rape Me” in my head. (Apologies if this song in any way offends you.)
Hey, wait, I’ve got a new complaint,
Forever in debt to your priceless advice.
Ugh.
8 comments:
Geez, what happened to the right to vent??? Save that advice up for his next complaint about life!!!
ROFL.
Thank you SO much, Nicole. I think I will save that for his next complaint about life.
Yeah...weddings do tend to turn into parties for other people... I am sorry there is no one to help you out with all this...it should be your special day... I am sorry I am not there, I would have made those invitations for you... bleh... I hate when sth that should bring joy only brings nervousness... I hope the day goes well for you... that you have that special bride shine and that you enjoy it, and f*** everyone else!!!
I can't believe he said that honestly. I think I might have popped him. It's your wedding of course you should be selfish. Geez. Is the problem with planning the wedding that you are doing all the work for it or that people are telling you how it should be done? With my wedding, people helped me do the work but they also told me what to do all the time. The best way to make it your thing is to do things how you want them done, get the things you want... music you want, flowers you want, etc. People should not tell you what to do or how to do it if they wont even help you with the work of doing it! If you are upset because you are doing everything yourself, try to be direct in your delegation and don't take no for an answer. I have found this works well (and works with small children! men and small children are soooo similar sometimes). And don't ask, tell him what to do. "Fold these invitations right now" is hard to argue with. I hope it gets better for you I really do. You can take my advice with a grain of salt but its what I wish people had told me with my wedding...
love ya
aly
Yeah, planning a wedding's a pain the ass, the vast majority of the time.
We only had 21 people (inclusive of us) and it was still a pain, primarily because my mother was HORRIFIED about certain aspects that we weren't going to have. I didn't realize that if we didn't have a cake cutting, it was the end of the world. (We didn't, by the way.)
Let me know what you need Whit. I'll be free that Saturday if you need me to be!
i don't know what is left to do but maybe if you took a bit of time and figured out assignments----like 1, 2, 3, and 4 must be done by ___ and they are A's responsibilities. he did a good job on the proposal so maybe remind him of that and then explain you know what a good job he did on that so you know he'll do a good job on 1, 2, 3, and 4 just like with the proposal.
that's such a simplistic answer that probably wouldn't come close to working, would it? i don't know what it is about some people (sometimes i find it especially in males) who don't understand that when you say,"I FEEL ___," means something separate from, "I KNOW ___." it isn't that you are blaming anyone but simply expressing your feelings about whatever...
:( sorry hon, hope that when all the planning is over you will just be able to enjoy your day for what it is meant to be.
btw, I am sure that everyone would miss you if you didn't come to the reception. you fill up a room my dear. plus, you are the one wearing the gorgeous dress. ;) love u. wish i could be there to see it. xox
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