I wrote a couple days ago about feeling sad and not knowing why, what's motivating this...
I still don't know. I'm still feeling sad.
Posting silly things on facebook serves two purposes:
1. it's a meager attempt to get my mind off of myself, how bad a person I am, how nothing is good enough, I'm damaging my children simply by them having me as a mom, etc.
2. it's me, reaching out and trying not to withdraw...which I very much feel inclined to do.
If this keeps up, it's depression. But it's still so early, post partum wise, that it could be that last flux of hormones preparing to leave this building.
I'm hoping it's the latter.
*sad sigh*
6 comments:
Dearest Whitney,
You are a wonderful person - one of the kindest, sweetest and most beautiful inside-and-out that I can think of.
Your children are SO LUCKY to have you.
I hope it's just leftover hormones. But I also hope you'll call your doctor (midwife?) to let her know what's going on.
You are loved! Take care of yourself!
Carly
I love you SO much! AND I want to remind you of how totally rad you are (because when I get depressed I feel kind of worthless and sometimes I get the feeling you kind of think you tend to lean in that direction- I hope I'm wrong, though and that this is just a celebratory list).
1) you (and your baby) have made the newspapers just a few weeks after giving birth (and being born) for taking a stand and making a great statement about important womens rights are
2) you have won the great turtleneck debate (thus far and I tend to think forever) AND the co-sleeping contest. should your sister in law pursue further discussions I will more than check her.
http://ellen.warnerbros.com/2011/04/pure_puppy_love_0413.php
3) remember how we didn't lose our shit when we got lost in the woods before your wedding AND rode in the back of a pick up truck belonging to a complete stranger? and we laughed!!!!! you are an AMAZING friend!
4) you have command of languages that are so completely difficult for the majority of the world that people gave up en masse on one (save the drag queens of the Vatican)
5) you have mad skills in the kitchen!
6) word on the street is that you have mad skills in the bedroom!
7) you did not allow the racism, sexism and classism to escape your notice even though you were in the midst of childbirth which makes (again) clear to me that you are at all times conscious and aware of those very important issues!
8) you are a totally well rounded person who values SOOO much of the world- from religion that may not be your thing but has been important in the life of your father to the one hit wonders of the 80's and their bizarro videos to the absurdity of the Real Housewives series to the complexities of the Classics and Philosophy and Languages and Culture and Politics
9) you have gone through a LOT of difficult things in life and continued to thrive
10) you've continued to build your list of things you rock at and now totally rock at raising a girl, a boy, a husband, a couple of cats- that's amazing!
I wanted to stop at 10 because this really could fill some pages. The world is better for having you in it.
We need a coffee visit. You can come out and play now right?
This has been a very tough time lately over here too. These are bad months. Hoping for a better time in May
And your kids are lucky to have you. They are very cool, and that is because of you!
oh Whit - no matter what I say right now, you won't believe a word of it. You'll think "Yeah, but she doesn't *really* know me... If she *really* knew me..." Because that is how I think when I am feeling this way and you and I are peas in a pod. So the way I look at it is this - you always tell me how awesome I am when I feel this way, and if you and I are so much alike, you must be pretty freaking awesome too. I love you!
((HUGS))
Whit,
I just wanted to stop in and let you know I'm listening.
Your children, husband, family and friends are incredibly lucky to have you in their life. I am personally grateful for the support and friendship you've offered me over the years.
I know it's hard but I truly wish you could extend the same kindness and understanding to yourself that you so generously give to others. You deserve it.
PS. I enjoy reading everything you post on facebook.
oxoxoxoxo
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