meltdown

Oh, I fucking hate the policy of “you can’t come back to school until you’ve been fever free for 24 hours.”

C develops fevers and shows absolutely no signs of feeling sick. She gets sent home.

I take off work.

Then I can’t send her back to school the next day because—she had a fever and 24 hours haven’t passed! Am I supposed to send her back at 3pm?

*contemplates giving C Tylenol every day*

So again, I must take off work. A offered to bring her to work with him, but honestly? That’s not going to work. He’s too high strung, he’d call me in an hour, at the most, to pick her up. Oh, yeah...from how well she's listening to "please colour and be quiet right now", the two of them wouldn't last 5 minutes.

Mentally, I cannot do this. I need adult interaction. I need to feel productive. I need to feel like I'm doing something aside from not saying "Shut up" to a four year old.

I just feel like a waste of space. A total waste. What good am I? I feel so…god, I can’t even go there, I’m still at work and melting down.

Fuck. All I do is nurse E, change his diaper, and ask C to be quiet. She is NOT sick in the slightest. She needs to be around other children her age. I NEED her to be around other children her age.

When A called to tell me that she couldn’t go to school, I started crying. I could still cry.

I haven't had a break since. . .

I have an appointment with my psychologist that I need to go.

Oh, well. That’s not going to happen. 

I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.