20 December 2008

dirty philosophy

Today I am reminded that I can immerse myself in philosophy, yet the pain of a broken heart remains acute.

Today I took C for a walk in the woods, mainly because I got the impression she was irritating my father. This was our second walk in the woods today.

On the path, I saw a leaf shaped like a heart. I was already crying and thinking of B, so I picked up the leaf.

It was reddish brown, and brittle. But it was very definitely a heart shape.

I thought of Aphrodite--love.
I thought of Hera--commitment.

I kissed the leaf, and gently tossed it into the stream, praying in my own weird way that somehow, B will come back to us healthy.

I am not hopeful. Instead, I think "what the hell am I doing? Have I lost it?"

Dirty philosophy rule #1: Invoke God (or the gods).

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