20 January 2010
Wedding Industrial Complex
What the hell is all of this about? All this wedding stuff? I just want a simple wedding, and even that’s proving to be complicated.
A wedding is supposed to be a celebration of love and a commitment to each other, no? Oh, silly me with my romantic ideals.
I went to a wedding expo with a friend of mine on Sunday. We went as a joke, mostly, and it was just as horrifying as I thought. I have commited many wedding sins, which I shall list for you in no particular order:
- I only have one bridesmaid/maid-of-honor.
- I do not want my daughter to be the flower girl or ring bearer. She will freak out in front of others and hide under my dress. I want her involved, of course, but she is so young, still. I am silly enough to believe there is an age-appropriateness issue.
- I had very little idea or inspiration as to the “color theme” of the wedding.
- I plan on having less than 100, perhaps less than 50, people at the wedding.
- I did not start planning the wedding more than 12 months in advance. This is a tremendously HUGE no-no to those whose work involves the promotion of the Wedding Industrial Complex.
- I expect my fiancé to help plan the wedding too. I’m just plan crazy with my thought that it’s not just MY wedding, it’s OUR wedding and thus, he should have equal say in it, too.
- I don’t want to spend a lot of money.
- I don’t want a lot of flowers.
- I have no idea how to wear my hair, and dammit, I’m such a moron I didn’t think to grow it out into long, thick, flowing blond tresses. Wait—my hair is never thick and flowing when it’s long. It’s stringy. But still, I lack inspiration for my hair, my shoes, my undergarments. And everything else.
- I have never BEEN in a wedding, so I really don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I’m just doing the best I can and am being criticized from people I don’t know (who cares?) to people I trust (ouch).
I could go on, but it’s clear: I have failed as a bride-to-be.
What sucks the most is that one or two of these messages I’m reading—perhaps mistakenly—from my family. Why is all of this up to me, people? I am the bride-to-be. He’s just as committed as I am, and thus, it’s OUR civil union. Therefore, ideally, the work should fall equally on him as it does on me.
But I know, I know. We have the second-shift to work. Why not add planning a wedding to the mix?
For the record, A has been pretty good about being involved and helping me plan things. There’s an issue with his best man staying over at our house THE NIGHT OUR HONEY MOON SHOULD START, but apparently that’s just me being bitchy. “I haven’t seem X in a year and a half.”
Yes, that’s true. And whose fault is that?
I mean, you DO only get married once (er, that’s my plan at least). And you DO only get your families offer to watch our daughter while we’re honeymooning once. I’m sure I’ll love your friend, but seriously?
Seriously?
Must talk to him about this last part. I didn’t dare broach the topic immediately because I can get very vicious when I’m upset, and I needed to calm down and think logically a bit. I needed to convince myself that I wasn’t being unreasonable.
Yes, that’s true. And whose fault is that?
I mean, you DO only get married once (er, that’s my plan at least). And you DO only get your families offer to watch our daughter while we’re honeymooning once. I’m sure I’ll love your friend, but seriously?
Seriously?
Must talk to him about this last part. I didn’t dare broach the topic immediately because I can get very vicious when I’m upset, and I needed to calm down and think logically a bit. I needed to convince myself that I wasn’t being unreasonable.
But…I’m just taking people’s opinions as just that. Opinions. I didn’t ask for most of them, and I don’t have to follow them.
Anyway…off to go look at a reception site. With A.
Fun times. I am so not made for this sort of thing. It’s too detailed and not philosophical enough.
Fun times. I am so not made for this sort of thing. It’s too detailed and not philosophical enough.
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8 comments:
Reminds me a bit of my parents' wedding. Both were brought up in strict Catholic families, and they got engaged in grad school, so they had very little money. They opted to get married in a garden on their university campus, invite only their closest friends and relatives, my mom made the bridesmaid's dresses, had daisies in her hair, their wedding song was "Turn, Turn, Turn" by The Byrds, the priest didn't wear vestments, the families were horrified. Well, you get the point.
It was 35 years ago, but they did what they wanted to do with the budget and attention that could bring to the endeavor, and they had a good time (notwithstanding their parents' refusal to take communion). Of course, this was before Bridezillas came into existence, as well as the notion that rings should cost the equivalent to three months' salary. Ditto the notion that women should be married by the time they're 30.
Like women's magazines, I think the whole wedding industry in the US is an abysmal thing designed to make women feel badly about themselves if they don't submit to what's 'expected' of them.
I say F*** it and do what makes you happy. It's your and A's day, it's your life. Don't feel guilty for not doing what you feel you 'ought' to be doing.
We are pretty much saying F-it. I mean, I've got the places for the wedding and reception squared away. I'm getting pressure to include A's sister in the wedding, but I don't know her very well. I like her, but if A wants her involved, then HE can include her. I say, let her be an usher. Nothing wrong with that, right? If she was getting married, I certainly wouldn't expect to be in the wedding party. At all.
Just ranting made me start laughing at all of this. It truly is an industrial complex, and it's all bullshit. It takes the romance and true meaning out of the entire of idea behind a wedding.
So f*** it. And Jessie, should you be able to come to Florida on that day, you are, of course, more than welcome. :)
When is your wedding, and where? I am a hairdresser. I will come to you and do your hair.
<3
Allie
I was so stressed about the idea of planning a wedding that J and I went to our tiny town hall and got married, just the two of us. It was prefect!
A sentence beginning with "I went to a wedding expo" can only end badly. Very badly.
Wait, I missed something in my post trauma haze. You're ENGAGED! Congratluations! (Please ignore me if I've already said this---seriously the past few months have been a haze). Anyhow, all your points sound exactly like my wedding. I did not have "colors" I did not have favors and I only had three "best women" because my sister threw a hissy fit. Good luck!
i say the wee one should be consulted about her involvement in this big day! and A's sister can be in his crew----no need to conform to some sort of normalcy on the big day! he can have a best sister and the little miss can be Goddess-in-Waiting with a brief appearance as she likes. maybe be flower girl free? and X should bugger off for one night at least! i have a tent and he can share a hotel room if he needs!
OK, I'm catching up on old posts, so I hope you see this.
Whitney, I got my hair done half an hour before we said our vows by my mother-, sister-, and aunt-in-law. No hair trial, no paying anyone, nothing fancy.
And it was fine.
And it was so much fun to watch/hear the three of them fight over how it should look.
(Photo here--http://tinyurl.com/binyeo)
It was messy after a while and not perfect and yet...completely perfect. And that's what the wedding and relationship should be--not perfect and yet, completely perfect.
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