It's time that I confess to A about my eating disorder.
Food has come up a couple of times regarding C, and I think it's important that he understand why I am an ardent supporter of intuitive eating.
I'm scared, though. People hear "eating disorder" and get stupid. People hear "anorexia" and out-right wrong ideas about the illness come to mind...images and ideas mainstream society only fuels, not dispels. For example, anorexia isn't about food! Yet nearly everyone without personal experience of anorexia thinks this.
I know, too, that A will research the illness online. |s Oh my god, the absurd crap that exists online! I don't want him to worry that I purge after I eat--I don't. I don't want him to think I overexercise--I don't. I don't want him to think that this is about being thin! My ED is an expression of my depression.
*sigh*
Relationships are about trust. I must trust that A will be careful with his research, that he will ask me questions if he has any, that he won't be terrified of me...
1 comment:
Perhaps it's healthier to think of it as sharing more of myself and opening up, not so much a confession.
There is nothing of which to be ashamed.
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