it's just different

I have plans to see A tonight: this makes me quite happy.

Today I had to run some legal documents to another county. I jumped at the chance to get out of the office and go for a short drive. Rural Florida can be so pretty. The medians are beginning to fill with wildflowers even though the pecan trees are still brown, as is the grass in the pastures.

The beauty and promise of spring is not without reminders, though. A short trip through rural Florida is not without reminders.

of February. How many years ago? How is it possible three years have passed since you first lost your mind?

Not all who wander are lost. I believed that you weren’t lost then. I believed in you.

And I still do believe in you…it’s just different. As I’ve said before, B, we have taken two completely different paths. You forced me down this path—well, in this general direction, at least. I chose this path for myself. (Of course, this assumes we have free will, and we all know how I feel, philosophically speaking, about the existence of free will…)

The path I am on includes C, and includes A. Both these people make me very happy. I could be happier if I had a better job. I could be happier if I lived somewhere different. But I am doing the best with what I have at the moment.

I could be happier, also, if you were involved in our lives to a healthy ex tent. To be honest, it’s hard to imagine what that would look like…it’s been so long since you were healthy…

I am doing my best, though, to protect my life, to protect C, to protect A. Don’t confuse ‘protect’ with ‘shelter’—there is a difference. (And only a fool attempts to ‘shelter’!)

Not sure how to end this…my head is absolutely killing me right now…so I will just say, thank you for reading, whomever may read this.