envy

This is so hard to admit, but I think if I write about it, I will feel better.

My sister has a job interview; this makes me incredibly happy for her.

It also makes me envious.

She has stayed at home with my parents, applying for jobs and more often than not, sleeping. This has been more than okay with my parents; she hasn't even volunteered and rarely leaves the house.

Okay, fine, whatever.

But I've been applying for other jobs since May 2007--and that's when I landed my last interview.

I feel like a failure. It's been pointed out to me by numerous friends/sources that I am overqualified for most other jobs. My sister's degree is more field-specific.

I still feel like a failure.
I still feel frustrated.
And I suppose the true root of this envy: I feel unappreciated. Unacknowledged. Looked-over, not just career-wise, but within my own family. And anytime I dare ask for more, all hell breaks loose. It's just not worth it.

Still, I do recognize I have things in my life that my sister is lacking. I am blessed in ways she isn't. I wonder if she's envious of me in those areas...I hope not. I want her to be happy.

But I also want to not feel like a failure.