"If you love me, let me go."

How far I've come!

I received three text messages so far from B; my heart hurts for him. However, there is such a healthy distance between us. I am able to draw the line in the sand, a distinct and firm line that will not budge in hurricane-force winds.

During his illness, this one song lyric always came to mind: If you love me, let me go...

I do love you, B. That's why I respected your wish, and I let you go. You asked me to let you go, and while I will forever carry you in my heart, I let you go. You are not my responsibility.

I love you so much it still hurts. But the love is different. It's compassionate. You are an amazing friend to me, and I truly hate to see such a kind, brilliant soul suffer and be tormented.

But I love you. I let you go.

We will forever be linked. So many of my thoughts are still wrapped up in you, with memories of you, or jokes, or insights we shared. You helped influence who I am today.

I will forever be grateful for that. I will always love you.

And it is because of this that I still am letting you go.

Letting go isn't like opening your clenched fist. It's a gradual, slow process. We are growing in different ways, in different directions. I hope we are growing toward the same light, but I have my doubts about that for now.

Yet still, we grow.

I love you, B. That's why I haven't returned your text messages. You asked that I let you go, and I am respecting that wish. You aren't ready to see me yet, nor I you. It would be too raw, I think, for us both at this point.

Thank you for everything. I have dealt so well and felt so good over the past 30 hours. I haven't let you swoop in and disrupt my new life.

I am stronger, because of you.