Chain of thought from last night:
I don’t remember crying when I’m depressed.
I haven’t cried lately; maybe I’m depressed?
*checks in on self*
No, I’m not depressed. I’m too sad to be depressed. Funny how that sounds: too sad to be depressed!
Then what am I?
Numb.
No, I’m definitely not numb. I feel him everywhere. The air, the sunlight, the nighttime is heavy with his memory.
Haunted.
Yes, that’s it. I am haunted. Haunted by the memories of us, together. Haunted by the good times and the painful times. Haunted by not knowing what is happening to you, to us. Haunted by the things I wish were in my control. Haunted by over six years together. Haunted by canyons and National Parks, rivers and oceans, food, clothes, everything in the world is now a million times heavier. You are a force stronger than gravity.
And like gravity, I cannot hold you.
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