cried a bit

I finally cried today.

The psychologist I see shares an office with Dr. R, the psychiatrist B used to see. Dr. R tried so hard to get a manic B to listen to him, to take medication and address his illness. I was sitting in the waiting room and Dr. R walked by. He awkwardly gave me a little wave.

When I sat down in Dr. C’s office, I was finally able to cry. Every little thing reminds me of B. It’s been over a month since I last spoke with him. It’s been two weeks since we “broke up”. I still cannot wrap my mind around that concept…we broke up. No, we’re just separated.

It’s weird, but I feel deep down that I will hear from B again, and within the next couple months. It won’t be about C, it won’t be about some practical matter…I just have this gut feeling, and it’s probably wrong, but still, I have this feeling that he will get in touch with me, eventually.

False hope? Probably.

But it felt good to finally be able to cry a little today.