It just wasn't enough

Being upset over the Letter wasn't enough, apparently.

I was going to meet TS, a good friend of mine, at the Harn to just sit and talk for a short time. I never made it to the Harn Museum of Art, however; I ended up rear-ending a mini-van because my stupid, stupid sandals have no traction and slipped off the brake pedal.

The 82 year olds in the mini van were nasty to me at first. When I approached them, I asked, "Are you all okay?"

"What the hell!" the old man exclaimed. "Why did you slam into us on purpose?"

I should have replied, "Excuse me, sir, but if I was going to purposely slam into someone, I would choose something much bigger than a fender bender."
The driver of the mini van--a woman, but not his wife--got out of the car and started attempting to berate me.

Oh hell, I thought. I don't need this. So I calmly said, "I'm going to call the police," and sat in my car, sweaty, on the phone with the police. The man insisted on standing behind my car, I have no idea why.

Anyway, I was beside myself. The tears I sobbed--and I was sobbing--were not just for the car accident. Yes, I feel like more of a failure than ever. Yes, I'm dreading telling my sister and mom (I've told my father.) I was crying over everything in my life: everything. I think I may very well punch or at least curse out the next person who tells me things can only get better. Those words are like a curse: every time I hear them, things get worse.

The friend I was going to meet, TS, came to the scene, even though I had begged him not to. He hugged me, and my god, it felt delicious. I haven't had that tight of a hug in so long. He waited with me, and we talked. He also told me I am too thin, which I was strangely okay with--him telling me that I'm too thin, that is. Normally I become annoyed/defensive when people tell me that, but I had wanted to ask TS if I was looking too thin anyway. I don't have a huge appetite of late, however. That's no excuse, I realize that. C needs one healthy parent. But it's so hard for me to eat, especially at home. I can't explain why it's harder at home, but it is.

Anyway...thank god C wasn't with me when this happened. And luckily no one is hurt.

At least physically.